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February 28th, 2006

05:10 am been a long long time since i have written in here ... im alive... tho not very happy... fuck it life goes on.... well maybe i will try to actually update this every once in a long while .... so much has happened since i last wrote i dont even know where to begain... no more jenn...or appartment...lots of sex with random people... miscarried kid...with some1 i love but dont know if i'll be with... funerals... family members sick in hospitals... lost jobs... found new ones... lost them... my crazy stalker...(yeah fukin nuts)... ive recorded a couple songs.... write all the time now....bought a new car that i have fucked up... fights...lots of drinking... concerts...told jennica the way i feel about her... made a lot of new friends... lost alot of old ones.... and i live with jeff .... again.... that about sums it up.... im now trying to make a decent demo to take to new-york when i go with her... music is my only hope..... <3 timmy Current Mood: blah

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October 12th, 2004

03:53 am - thank God... its pretty late now im suppose to be at work,but i got sent home because we got held up....only a few people were in the store my manager a costmer and me...a guy strung out on crack came in with a 12 guage shot gun screaming give me the fucking money...fired the gun and cocked it again... he was fucking crazy i thank God im alive....i dont really feel like writng everything again because i spent the last few hours doing that for the police... so just giving a fast description...any ways he was fucking crazy...he was even shooting at the police...the cops said that this was an extremly violent incedent and well needless to say i was scared shitless, i couldnt even cry,i love everyone and im so thankful im alive...im thinking so many things right now.....the police got the son of a bitch, hes in the hospital so im guessing he was shot...thats about all i know,i will tell you more if i talk to you... Current Mood: shocked

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September 29th, 2004

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September 14th, 2004

12:00 am BURY YOUR FUCKING DEAD!!!! Current Mood: determined

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September 8th, 2004

09:46 pm Wow! I really need to keep up on this thing. Not much is new. I've done a few exciting things, but nothing major. I have a job interview tomorrow, I started playing with turn tables again, Kaz gave me an awesome set-up and a few vinyls to scratch with, took a road trip with my brother to Chicago. I spent a weekend up north with Jenn, Chad, and Kaz... that was fun. I watched the house for the weekend with just Jenn. It was nice to have alone time. That's about it. I miss everybody, Jennica glad you're ok, sorry about your car and you need to call sometime, it's like we're not friends any more. Everybody else, I love you all talk to you soon. Timmy P.S. Wish me luck on my interview tomorrow!!!!! Current Mood: happy

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June 16th, 2004

03:24 pm i cant stand the world today wish this would go away shelter myself within a hidden place this is my reality and all i will ever believe keep my head on straight the next time you cry i'll smile for you all you are all dead and all breath alike no life no meaning to go on lets dance for happiness dance for the fight have a fucking reason to hold on tight to a pointless life of treason and meaning for our actions learn what is is to live and feel what it is to die you only live once and time dies fast its funny how forever will never last remember today and know it will fade charish each moment it can not be replaced the air that i breeth tastes like life before mine and i see death when i look in your eyes existence is a masterpiece of abstract melody together as one we all sing the never-ending song of life the only difference is the key in which we sing.....t.j.f Current Mood: determined Current Music: silver chair...suicidal dream

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June 8th, 2004

12:01 am today was not a good day!!! it started off by me waking up at 5:30 am for work...i got out to my car to relize the tire was completly flat...so i went to work, worked my ass off and finally it was time to go home... i figured ide visit my family since they were only down the street...i got there and my brother wanted me to go to the dump with him to unload a truck full of shit...so i did.. i got back to my moms to say bye to everyone and my mom asked me to take my sis to the docter so i did...all i wanted to do was take a shower!!!on the way home i got hit by this cocky old fuck at a red light...so i spent the whole day at the hospital and police station...my sis and i are both fine but sore as hell from whiplash...i got some meds finally...and straightened things out with jenn...i wish i would have seen her today and things would have went differently...but what can you do it was a bad day from the start...i guess all that matters is that it ended ok...no one is seriously hurt im takeing the cocky fuck who hit me to court and i love jenn...so my meds have kicked in and im now going to go to bed...im sorry to everyone i was a dick to today...ill talk to you tomarrow...goodnight Current Mood: blah Current Music: muse

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June 2nd, 2004

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May 27th, 2004

04:17 pm so its been along time since ive written in my journal...my birth-day was a few days ago...it turned out to be a good day....i got a guitar and lots of other nice gifts...my favorite was a card i got from jenn...i love her...i got sick at work again...so i went to the docter...lots of money outa my pocket...i got a few percriptions for vomiting...and i dont really know whats wrong with me...i throw up alot...and the docter wanted to take x-rays of my stomach but i dont have insurance so i wouldnt let him...i talked to jennica today...it had been awhile since ive seen her...and it made me happy...she told me she likes jenn!!!and that made me happy too...this weekend should be fun tech fest!!! anywho i dont know to much more...today is a jenn and i day so im going to clean the house up and then myself while she is still at work...i love everyone!!! talk to you soon... Current Mood: happy Current Music: incubus

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May 14th, 2004

12:23 am - friends... i just wanted to say i love everyone of my friends.... whopper and keith good luck with everything even if the both of you are gone you will not be fogoten... whopper you one my very best friends and though its saddens me to see you go,im happy for you at the same time...florida is a beautiful place..i really wish i could go down with you,but right now there are things here in my life that ive been searching years for... things i cant just throw away...kit and never ever forget that you are my friend...no mater where you are you always will be... keith your a good guy...and i hope to get away from everything here is what you need to truly be happy...never give up...and thank you for being one of a few good people here in taylor...i will miss you both... chad you are my brother, friend through thick and thin...i love you...and with out you i would be lost...i really would walk into on-coming traffic for you,thats only cuz im a hard ass and it would hurt someones car worse than me and it would be funny to see them pissed,but in the same sense i would...lol... kaz you a fucking beast,and also one of the nicest guys i know,thats right people kaz is a giant teddy-bear so dont be afraid of him,keep that on the low cuz hes my body-gaurd... jeff even though we dont talk as much as ide like to i love you,you are beyond a friend...i miss you and i wish i could see you more often thanx for always being there for me and if you ever need anything i am here for you...ide take a bullet in my pinkie toe for you!!!ouch.... moose...what can i say? your a great guy...and that little note you left the other day im going to frame it and hang it on my wall...it ment alot to me... tiff i dont really talk to you to much but its fun when we all hang out...you seem really nice,most of the time...though chad is a lil bit crazy treat him well...ide like to see you two work things out... jennica,i love you...you are another friend i dont see as much as ide like but it does not change how i feel about our friendship...we really do need to see each other more often...what happened to everyday?oh yeah i got old...20 this month!!wow ive known you since i was like 13...weve been friends since i first became a teen...and now im not anymore...hmm ... sal... you will never ever read this that im aware of but with out you in my home the place would be lonley...your a new, but good friend...thanx for the talks,the extra help,and all of the adivce...by the way your fuckin funny...you also treat my cuz nice...your a good man... matt did i do something wrong? well your a good guy and you helped alot..as ive said before thank you..even though me staying there didnt last but a few months it was nice to see you and i'll never forget the good times weve had...ide like to visit more often.tell pea i said hi..and keep on rockin if anyone ever makes it it will be you.... last but far from least jen a.k.a my-baby, wow there are so many things i could say where do i start? i love you!!!!though sometimes things are hard you choose to stay by my side...that meens more than words could ever say...your a true person...you make me laugh you make me cry and there is no-one else in the world ide rather do these things with...with out you i would be living a different life...thats how much you meen to me...i am so thankful for you...no matter what i say i'll never be able to fully explain what you meen to me...not a minute passes that i dont think of you...you are my hope...thank you sweetheart for everything....once again i love all of you!!! and i thought it was important to let you all know this... Current Mood: happy Current Music: lean on me

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May 10th, 2004

11:25 pm and yet another day has passed me by, a million reasons to smile, a billion reasons to cry...i'll be all-right though i wont be dreaming tonight,if i could find myself i could end this fight...im my own worst enemy and my very best friend... today my eyes smiled for you...the love of my life the reason for everyhing im going through...nothing is wrong after all,you cant get up if you never fall...ive fell ,in love with you...now together we will climb to the top...my love for you will never stop...with my heart in the palms of your hands im slowly changing from boy to man...thank you! for giving me a reason...if you only knew how much you mean to me, your love is the very reason i breath...sweet-dreams... Current Mood: thankful Current Music: opeth,death wispered a lullaby

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April 19th, 2004

01:08 am wow...i just took some kind of test thing and im a pretty forked up guy if that shite is true...but anywho, the last few days have been nice...things did take a turn for the better!!! i love you babe...i have another job interview tomarrow...i may be workin with whop-nutz...just for a bit to stay on my feet...i got to see jennica today...i had a great dinner at my baby's house...and i couldnt possibly ask for anything to be better... i love the nice weather...and it feels nice to be truly happy with everything...jenn i am truly sorry for being the prick ive been...and for the harsh things ive said...i will do my best to make and keep you happy...you truly <---{does that have an e in it?}are a blessing in my life...im sorry im a crazy ass-hole at times...im trying my hardest....i love all of my friends you know who you are...thank you for always staying by my side...hmmm i wish chad had a rig and we had a full band...anyone at all know a drummer??? a good one??? im tired of taking about all of this...i just want to create music...maybe i'll keep writeing my hip-hop shit at least untill things fall into place...as long as im being creative...well thats about all of my thoughts for now... Current Mood: artistic

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April 17th, 2004

05:41 pm well its been awhile since ive wrote in here....and alot of things have happened...jenn got into a crazy accident on easter....we have have fought alot!!!i lost my job...ive hung with friends...and ive dyed my hair....so now that thats out of the way i'll begain with last night....i took jenn out to dinner...and everthing was going great...untill we got home that is....not going to get into what happened but it was not good!! i dont really know what is going on anymore...i want things to work and i try so hard to keep her happy...well i cant work fucking magic...and she brings this drama upon herself...im far from perfect....but i try to point out the good in everything and well to me it seems she has to find all the flaws of the world...i dont know why she is with me...i dont know if shes happy...im tired of questioning this...im tired of fights...im tired of wasting my time...i would love things to work,and be the way they were when we first hooked up....dont get me wrong i love her with all my heart!!!! but if things dont take a turn for the better really soon...i will without thought forget who she is...blunt,an asshole,heartless,call me what you will but i cant please someone who is unhappy with the world! Current Mood: calm

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April 11th, 2004

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02:49 am so yesterday was fucking horrible....as was today! the day did not go as planed...does it ever? i woke up called jenn and told her what i believed was going to happen...i hung out with chad and he asked if i wanted to go to pen ball petes for something to do tonight....i said yes because i love ann arbor and i thought it would be fun to spend time with a few of my friends...the problem was i had told jenn i would hang out tonight with her...i figured since i was going to spend the day with her tomarrow she wouldnt mind if i went out tonight with the guys...im an ass-hole!what the fuck was i thinking?i really feel horrible...im affraid to read her journal for today...i made her cry yesterday and today...i said some pretty mean stuff...i yelled at her...i hoed her out...and ive been more than selfish...i really do love her...she has a good heart...and she gives me the butterflys...i havent felt that way in a long time...and she is supportive of me...so why would i treat her like shit? well i honestly couldnt tell you...i have some sort of idea but no excuse...im affraid to lose my friends...ive lost alot of great frinds because of past relationships...im affraid its not going to last with her because im not good enough...im ugly...im not in school yet/if ever...i live with my uncle...my cars a piece of shit...to tell you the truth i cant possibly see what anyone sees in me...i try so hard to help people...to be the best person i can be...to do the right things...i always have...but i put people in front of me...i want to do things to make myself happy for a change...but i dont want to hurt anyone...my intentions are good...i was thinking maybe since i have nothing going for me and im makeing her feel like shit...that i should leave her...she deserves so much better than someone like me...she has "diamonds on the soles of her shoes"and im "the poor boy,empty as a pocket with nothing to lose"...i just want whats best for her...i dont want to hurt anyone...and i dont want to hurt...she makes me so fucking happy...i have do something...i really wish i would have just spent this weekend with her...i wish i could take back the things i said...im so affraid to lose her...yet im also affraid i'll bring her down if i stay with her...i wish this world would not have drove me crazy...i wish i was normal...and i wish i was stronger/instead of cold hearted....baby im sorry.....I LOVE YOU!!!i dont want to leave you...you meen so much to me...and i promiss ill try my hardest to keep you happy...please forgive me...i make mistakes....and im far from perfect.... Current Mood: guilty

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April 8th, 2004

06:35 pm so yesterday i started a new job...its really really easy..but boreing as hell...i work mon-fri 8am till 5pm...its nice to have a set sceduale...i make 8.50/hr and every 90days i get a dollar raise...it feels good to be working again although work sux.. ill have money though so im happy...i also shut my beast of a car up and fixed the exaust...for a while it sounded like a gang of bikers on harleys...today i havent done much at all i worked then went to my moms to say hi and grab a bite to eat...i love her! jenns on her way over..i dont know if we are going to just chill the 2 of us or if we are going to hang with chad kaz and kurtis...either way i cant wait to see her...im going to be 20 in less than a month...im geting old...hmm thats kinda scary...im going to try to see liz and jennica this weekend if possible i miss them both....well thats about all i have to say...i love all my friends u all know who you are! Current Mood: calm Current Music: jedi mind tricks

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April 5th, 2004

01:55 pm so yesterday was a good day...i spent all day with jenn.and a week is a long time,but it was well worth the wait...ha...anyways after i took jenn home whopper spent the night and we watched minority report...i wonder if the future is really going to be like that...weird...so far today i filled out a few apps and took whopper home...when hes calls me back im gong to drop off those apps and pick him up...then im waiting for jenn to call...im suppose to hang out with her whopper and i think liz today...liz is a good friend i hope jenn doesnt mind me hanging with her...i havent done anything with liz in a long time...so i guess the plans today are to get everyone together and just chill...i really miss jennica...i seen her the other night,but it wasnt the same...she use to be my best friend in the world...i use to see her all the time...i miss the old days...im going to make an effort to spen some time with her too...its hard to see everyone with everyone living their own busy lives...but anywho i still love all my friends even if i havent seen them in a longtime...i cant wait untill i have a job...and chad has a job...and we have a drummer...well hope everyone has an awsome day...<3 timmy Current Mood: lazy Current Music: radio head

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April 4th, 2004

12:43 am today sucked all around!!!!but tomarrow will be a better day..jenn love ya babe...jesus was a jedi and the beings of our time cumbust,when broken down to simplist form we are all but energy...a lil something to think about... i love you all ... Current Mood: zoned Current Music: children of bodom

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April 2nd, 2004

04:22 pm today i went looking for a job...i cant believe how hard it is to find work right now...i was always told by my parents to graduate or i would end up fliping burgers...well ide be happy doing that right now...i need some kind of income...anywho picked up lots of apps,and tomarrow ill do the same...i wish i could find a way to solve everyones problems...everyone seems to be really moody...on the up hand my car insurence is paid...and im getting along well with my mother...we have our ups and downs..but she loves me and i love her!i dont know what the plans are today...chad said he wanted an alone day with his girl so probably not hanging with him...i tryed to call whopper to hang out...hes an awsome guy and he seems to be a lil down...hope things are allright...anyways i guess he took off with chad...guess chad isnt having an alone day after all..maybe he is just sick of me...hmmm...well regardless i hope that he cheers whops up and that everyone has a good day...i love all my friends you all know who you are...take care and give and give a call if you want to do something... Current Mood: calm Current Music: red cord

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March 31st, 2004

11:58 pm - a look through my eyes today i woke up and all the questions that i ask myself on a regular basis were not haunting me....its as if i woke up the person i use to be before my life spun out of control...granted there are many things that are different and things i still want to change and achieve...i know who i am...and im content with my life...im not unhappy,and the things that i want to change are no longer problems,but goals...something to try for and look forward to, a reason to stay strong...i have so much to be thankful for and so much to offer the world...the bad that has happened to me wasnt so bad after all,instead i look at the past as a learning experiance,and im that much more thankful for the good in my life... i tryed out for a band yesterday and they were all impressed...i guess everthing does happen for a reason... i have the oppertunity to be playing shows with a decent band who are passionate about the music they create,but i will not sing for them...i will never leave burymetofreedom even if nothing happens with us, because chad my best friend in the world has the same drive as i...we want to create music for the same reasons...without love/faith we are nothing...and even if we are no-one in other peoples eyes in Gods we are...chad has never left my side...never given up on me...and never lost his faith...he is and always will be my brother...and one day the music we create will open peoples eyes to a better world... today i went to the norma jean show...it was a great show...i was with the majority of my best friends...chad,whopper,dikki,keith,chris,kaz...it was nice to see everyone....i didnt get to see jenn at all today,and when i got home i called her...she wasnt feeling good...it made me sad...i hope she gets a goodnight sleep and that she feels better soon...i love her!!!and i miss her...and though today was great it was a long day without her by my side...i cant wait to see her tomarrow... thank you God, it feels amazing to be alive!! Current Mood: grateful Current Music: eric clapton

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